Let’s talk about sex, baby
This is a conversation that is not so common in many bedrooms and even the couple will feel ashamed and fear rejection in case the talk is put off by one of the spouse. It’s however an important topic, one that can bring romance and juice in a marriage.
Remember this song by Salt N Pepa –
Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex
Are you having an affair, why do you want to change the sex position?
Some men have told me that they have been accused of having an affair when they introduced the topic and some ladies have been beaten by their husbands for asking them to try out something new in bed. It’s a sensitive topic and it requires couples to approach it wisely especially if both of you are not so comfortable talking about sex issues.
I however realized that more women often tell me that they want to talk with their partners about sex but don’t know how to bring it up. The media conveys the idea that everyone is talking about it—like the characters in Sex and the City. But that’s not what is really going on.
A survey revealed that over 40% of couples do not discuss their sexual wants and needs. Since intimacy is so important to a relationship, getting that topic on the table is critical.
So how do you bring sex up for a chat?
Discard the blame. Whatever the status of your sex life, accept the fact that you are part of the problem and part of the solution.
Take the emotion out of the discussion. A hidden agenda can very quickly bring up the defenses. If sexual issues have been brewing for some time, you’ll need more than a chat over a cup of coffee. The goal is to start the conversation, not to resolve all the issues.
Remember that it is not a contest to see who is right or wrong; it’s a conversation that reveals the perspectives, experiences and expectations from the relationship.
If it makes it easier, make up and leverage ‘another couple’s situation’. What do I mean? Here’s a line you can use, “A woman at the office (Jane) was complaining that her husband was a not a good lover (for the guys be creative less you be told you are unfaithful). Mmmhh did that ever start a conversation!” Keep it about Jane and her situation. You’ll find places where you can transition to your relationship. If it gets uncomfortable, slide back to the Jane scenario again.
If you’ve played it well—and by that I mean you’ve been successful in starting a conversation about sex that you’re both happy with—move on. Your goal is to plant a seed (remember you are sawing) for the next chat. “I really enjoyed our conversation this afternoon about Jane at the office. It got me thinking about…”
The key is to nurture the seeds of conversation, not resolve the issue. Please don’t expect the first conversation will have all the positive answers you are looking for or hoping, it’s a starting point and with consistency then it can become part of your sweet intimate talk. Mmmm and have some interesting names for a different sex style that you discovered together and made both of you scream. I have such nights when the following day we will be smsing about it and how it made us feel, we also give it a pseudo name. When my hubby wants to put me in the mood during the day he will just sms the pseudo name it I will make my day I don’t have to say the night will be mmmwaaa.
Try this Today
Are you secretly craving more foreplay or interested in introducing a new position, but a little nervous to ask your partner? Write out your desire on piece of paper and place it on his pillow. Your partner may take this cue and make his ‘pillow talk’. Many times partners forgo their desires out of fear they might offend their mate or be rejected. Making it fun reduces the tension.
