The Pain of Letting Go

May 17, 2023by Liz Uimbia0

Navigating Through the End of a Long-Term Relationship

Breaking up from a long-term relationship is often a painful process, fraught with a myriad of emotions and uncertainties. Relationships, especially long-term ones, aren’t just about the romantic love shared between two people, but also the shared experiences, memories, dreams, and even the complex mesh of habits and daily routines. When these ties need to be severed, it can feel like a part of you is being amputated, leaving you bereft and adrift in a sea of confusion and sadness. I have been there, where the pain feels so real your heart physically hurts.

Memories stuck in our bodies.

Sadhguru suggests that every interaction we have, especially intimate ones, leave an impression or “memory” on us. This doesn’t just mean mental or emotional memories, but also on the level of our energy or life force. These energies can stay within us, influencing our emotions, thoughts, and actions, often unconsciously. These “memories” in the body can manifest as patterns of behaviour, emotional responses, or even physical ailments. As per Sadhguru, this is why after ending a relationship, you might still find yourself reacting or feeling in certain ways that were shaped by that relationship. The reason it takes long to let got long term relationships.

Emotions and the Grieving Process

The end of a relationship is akin to a loss, and like any loss, it’s normal to go through a grieving process. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s model of the five stages of grief is often applicable here: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You might find yourself oscillating between these stages, not necessarily in this order, and that’s okay. It’s a part of the healing process.

The Pain of Letting Go

The pain of letting go often stems from fear and uncertainty. You might be afraid of being alone, of not finding love again, or of facing the world without your partner by your side. The future that you had envisioned together suddenly becomes a void, and filling that void can seem like an insurmountable task.

You might also experience a sense of failure and self-doubt. You might start to question your judgment, your decisions, and even your worth. It’s important to remember that a relationship’s success isn’t solely defined by its longevity. A relationship is a shared responsibility, and its end doesn’t diminish your value or worth.

Finding Healing

Healing after a breakup takes time and patience. It’s crucial to practice self-care during this period. This might include maintaining a healthy lifestyle, seeking support from friends and family, or even seeking professional help like a therapist, life coach or a counsellor.

Remember, it’s okay to feel the pain and to let yourself grieve. Pain is a sign of the love and commitment you had, a testament to the genuine emotions you felt. It’s essential to face these feelings rather than suppress them, as confronting your emotions can help you process and eventually overcome them.

Learning and Growing

A breakup, while painful, can also serve as a valuable learning experience. It can provide insights into what you want or don’t want in a relationship, help you identify red flags, and teach you more about your capacity for resilience. As you heal, you might find yourself growing in ways you didn’t expect. You may find new hobbies, new friends, or even discover strengths you didn’t know you had.

In conclusion letting go of a long-term relationship is never easy. The journey through the pain and towards healing can be a long and arduous one. But remember, it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to grieve, and it’s okay to ask for help. With time, patience, and self-care, you will find your way to the other side, where new possibilities and opportunities for love and happiness await. You are more resilient than you believe, and in the end, you will emerge stronger and wiser from this experience.


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